Validation

Continuing on my soul baring quest...

I realized that I am a person who needs validation. I discovered this while watching an episode of Girlfriends. Monica is planning her wedding and Joan, in her way, excitedly comments on her wedding color palette to which Monica harshly replies, "Joan, unlike you, I don't need all that validation."

What's funny is that I don't want validation for my wedding ideas either!

Of course it's funny, but to me, that line cut like a knife! I do need validation!  I realized that I do crave the acceptance/approval/validation of others to make me feel...here we go again, GOOD ENOUGH.  I finally understand what you lacked as a child you will crave as an adult. I crave support, encouragement and approval a little more than others to make me feel, for lack of a better word, whole.

Luckily, I've realized that God has equipped and qualified me, giving me his approval each and every day. I desperately want to have secure sense of self and I understand that it takes work.

Galations 1:10 "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ,"

1 Thessalonians 2:4 "On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts."

It's easier said than done and in today's society, people seek approval all the time and I'm sure we don't even realize when we're doing it. For example, the Oscar's were this past Sunday and red carpet correspondents were salivating over the fashion to compile today's 'Best and Worst Dressed' lists. I'm sure that no celebrity wants to be on anyone's Worst Dressed list, so they chose the designers carefully. There was even a segment during the Oscar pre-show where designers explained the relationship between actor and designer.

Most of us can't relate to choosing haute couture gowns to don at the Oscar's, but those LMS posts and 'Like' button on Facebook ring very similar to the need for validation.

The like button always reminds me of Sally Field's famous, mostly misquoted and often parodied line, "You like me, you really like me!" During her 1984 Oscar acceptance speech after winning for Places in the Heart.

 "I can't deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!"

I find myself embarrassed and ashamed when I make an effort to seek other's approval or validation so I needed to make a change.  Luckily I had recently posted about "I AM" statements and I have a plan of attack whenever I feel I need someone else's approval over God's

I AM approved
I AM qualified
I AM capable
I AM good enough


I'm beginning to understand that it's not so uncommon to need validation but God already gave me his seal of approval and if he stands for me, who can stand against me?

Scrub a Dub Dub

DIY Lip Scrub just in time for Valentine's Day!

Whether you're prepping for that V-Day smooch or beating winter lips, this scrub is a perfect treat for your smackers!

Tools:
Sugar (brown, white or raw)
Honey
Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Measurements:

1 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp honey
1 tsp evoo

DIY:

Mix sugar and honey together. You can warm the honey to make mixing easier but not too much, you don't want the sugar to melt.

Add EVOO

Now apply to your lips and bask in the sweetness!

Rinse with warm water and apply your favorite lip balm. Mine is EOS lip balm.

Enjoy your kissably smooth lips!

Use 2-3 times per week
Store excess in the fridge.

I AM

Joel Osteen gave me L I F E this morning.  I AM inspired to create a new series. I AM going to speak "I AM" statements into my life based on the negativity I may encounter.  Today, my emotions were taking me on a negative journey. Instead of feeling like I AM never going to be successful, I AM never going to be free of these feelings, I AM always going to be stuck in the same place...

more than a conqueror

victorious

free

Please watch the sermon...it may change your life.

Black Gold

Oh yes, it is Black History Month

Although she has been on the scene since around 2006, she was angrily on the tips of mainstream society's tongue when she won the Grammy for Best New Artist in 2011, beating out Drake, Florence + The Machine, Mumford & Sons and Justin Beiber. Whatever  

A multi-instumentalist who at age 20, became the youngest professor at Berklee College of Music, Spalding is somewhat of a musical genius. Her music is categorized as jazz, jazz fusion, bossa nova or neo-soul, but I suggest plugging into her Pandora station to get a feel for her music yourself.

Originally from Portland, Oregon, Spalding pays tribute to the various cultures she encountered during her childhood by singing in English, French and Portuguese on her second album, Esperanza.

You may remember her performance of "If I Was Your Girlfriend" during BET's tribute to Prince alongside Alicia Keys, Patti LaBelle and Janelle Monae.

Her fourth studio album Radio Music Society is slated to release March 20, 2012. Black Gold was released January 31, 2012, just in time for Black History Month. Pay attention to the message Black America!

Did you peep those earrings?

Oh and did I mention her fabulous fro?!? Check out her interview with CurlyNikki here

All in all, a great artist with a great message!

Impulse Road Trip to Letchworth State Park

This week has been a true test and I'm not sure that I passed. The last disappointment was after my taxes were done. I would have went to the mall or went home to watch TV but those were only distractions that would only lead to more disappointment, so I decided to go to Letchworth State Park, the Grand Canyon of the East Coast. I've wanted to go there since the summer and after this week, I thought it would be a good way to de-stress. Visually stimulating and inspirational scenery.

Like this:



 And this:

So I set out, full tank of gas and navigation. According to Google maps, it would take less than an hour to get there. I was excited! I was being Fearless! I got on the expressway and drove to Leroy, then GPS directed through a series of small towns. One thing about me, I'm a big scaredy cat. Although it was daylight I couldn't help but think about Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Wrong Turn, Deliverance and the fact that missing Black women don't get any media attention. I passed countless farms and small towns and after GPS directed me off a main road onto a 'seasonal' unpaved road that was eerily reminiscent of the beginning of the movie Jeepers Creepers, I had enough.

I turned around and headed back to Rochester. After going through Mt. Morris I FINALLY found the entrance to Letchworth! But it looked completely abandoned and I decided I was tired of the suburbs.

All in all, I enjoyed my road trip. It did help clear my head and I realized that nothing replaces stress like the fear of being murdered.

Letting Go

She let go.

Without a thought or a word, she let go. She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.

Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

 She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go.

She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go. There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that. In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

Ernest Holmes

Stupid Hoe

If she really did this, she has some serious balance skills

I'm not a fan of Nicki Minaj *runs and hides before a pack of Barbie's chases me down*

I respect her because she's a Black woman and she is representing for those who have fell off...Eve where are you?!? I respect her uniqueness and I believe that she is truly fearless. However, I do not agree with her image or her lyrics.  She holds a top spot in the music industry and has crazy cross over appeal, yet she continues to basically glorify stereotypes rather than destroy them.  I'm not asking her to be a savior for Black women, but as a public figure who happens to be a Black woman, it would make sense if she would try to uplift her fellow woman rather than calling them "nappy headed hoes" I mean, didn't Don Imus get fired for that?

Fresh from reading Madame Noire's report of BET banning her latest video for "Stupid Hoe" I have to say that I'm giving BET some serious side eye with this one. A specific reason for the ban wasn't given, although video really isn't visually offensive. If the video were to air, most people would probably think she's speaking morse code because almost every other word would have to be bleeped.

But wait BET, I'm just a little confused, have you banned this video? (Nicki Minaj isn't helping her claim by being on this track)

This seems a little stange to me. I guess it really is a man's world. Women calling each other stupid hoes while being almost fully clothed is a no-no, but as long as they keep quiet and dance half naked in the background for men, everything is ok! I get it now BET, thanks for clearing that up!

Why does Nicki Minaj claim to be the female Weezy? Why can't she just be herself? She has enough personalities to choose from!

Bottom line: Banning the video doesn't make our ears stop working or keep people from watching it on youtube. BET, the only thing you have accomplished is further proving to the world that it only exists to beat stereotypes into American society.