Toxic Parent

"You get over it!" "You figure it out!" Thank you Mary J. Blige

Dr. Susan Forward Toxic Parents: Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life. The book which serves my inspiration.

I had a toxic parent. Someone who was supposed to be a role model, a substitute for a mother because my biological mother was not there. A loving, encouraging, supportive, guiding, nurturing, mother-figure. Instead, I received a toxic parent. I refuse to call her names anymore, before it used to be just evil bitch, among others, now, she is and will always be to me, a toxic parent.

The beginning of this post is for those who don't understand how it's hard to just get over having a toxic parent. No, I am not upset at you for having parents who were good to you. I love them for that and I strive to be a parent who will be good to their children. It is not easy to just get over it. It is not easy to just figure it out. When you hear the same thing about yourself for a long time, you start to believe it. When you finally come up from out of that, you think it is over but you are sadly mistaken. Those feelings will creep right back up on you and ruin things for you. I finally came to terms with that.

In black and white. No, I am not under her control anymore, so if my life isn't going the way I want it to go, I should change it because I am in control now. However, those feelings that have been inbred in you still arise and hold you back. When you don't deal with something, it can come back in evil ways. You don't want to have so much bitterness for someone who doesn't think twice about you. Give that back. Tell that person how they made you feel and how it has affected you. After that, walk away. Don't carry that around with you anymore. I am taking some time to think about what I'm going to say before I fly to where she is and walk right into that house and tell them. I am doing it in person so they know, this isn't a joke. You can't just not think about something and hope that it goes away. I can testify that it won't. It will only get worse.

I realize that I will probably never be able to get my father to divorce his wife but I can let both of them know that she will never be a mother to me anymore, she will only be your wife. I will no longer address her as mother, I will call her by her name. This may seem harsh, but you didn't grow up with this toxic parent.