Unapologetically Rese

Scrub a Dub Dub

2012-02-13T07:09:00.000-08:00

DIY Lip Scrub just in time for Valentine's Day!

Whether you're prepping for that V-Day smooch or beating winter lips, this scrub is a perfect treat for your smackers!

Tools:
Sugar (brown, white or raw)
Honey
Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Measurements:

1 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp honey
1 tsp evoo

DIY:

Mix sugar and honey together. You can warm the honey to make mixing easier but not too much, you don't want the sugar to melt.

Add EVOO

Now apply to your lips and bask in the sweetness!

Rinse with warm water and apply your favorite lip balm. Mine is EOS lip balm.

Enjoy your kissably smooth lips!

Use 2-3 times per week
Store excess in the fridge.

I AM

2012-02-12T09:46:00.000-08:00

Joel Osteen gave me L I F E this morning. I AM inspired to create a new series. I AM going to speak "I AM" statements into my life based on the negativity I may encounter. Today, my emotions were taking me on a negative journey. Instead of feeling like I AM never going to be successful, I AM never going to be free of these feelings, I AM always going to be stuck in the same place...

more than a conqueror

victorious

free

Please watch the sermon...it may change your life.

Black Gold

2012-02-11T08:36:00.000-08:00

Oh yes, it is Black History Month

Although she has been on the scene since around 2006, she was angrily on the tips of mainstream society's tongue when she won the Grammy for Best New Artist in 2011, beating out Drake, Florence + The Machine, Mumford & Sons and Justin Beiber. Whatever

A multi-instumentalist who at age 20, became the youngest professor at Berklee College of Music, Spalding is somewhat of a musical genius. Her music is categorized as jazz, jazz fusion, bossa nova or neo-soul, but I suggest plugging into her Pandora station to get a feel for her music yourself.

Originally from Portland, Oregon, Spalding pays tribute to the various cultures she encountered during her childhood by singing in English, French and Portuguese on her second album, Esperanza.

You may remember her performance of "If I Was Your Girlfriend" during BET's tribute to Prince alongside Alicia Keys, Patti LaBelle and Janelle Monae.

Her fourth studio album Radio Music Society is slated to release March 20, 2012. Black Gold was released January 31, 2012, just in time for Black History Month. Pay attention to the message Black America!

Did you peep those earrings?

Oh and did I mention her fabulous fro?!? Check out her interview with CurlyNikki here

All in all, a great artist with a great message!

Impulse Road Trip to Letchworth State Park

2012-02-04T06:56:00.000-08:00

This week has been a true test and I'm not sure that I passed. The last disappointment was after my taxes were done. I would have went to the mall or went home to watch TV but those were only distractions that would only lead to more disappointment, so I decided to go to Letchworth State Park, the Grand Canyon of the East Coast. I've wanted to go there since the summer and after this week, I thought it would be a good way to de-stress. Visually stimulating and inspirational scenery.

Like this:

And this:

So I set out, full tank of gas and navigation. According to Google maps, it would take less than an hour to get there. I was excited! I was being Fearless! I got on the expressway and drove to Leroy, then GPS directed through a series of small towns. One thing about me, I'm a big scaredy cat. Although it was daylight I couldn't help but think about Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Wrong Turn, Deliverance and the fact that missing Black women don't get any media attention. I passed countless farms and small towns and after GPS directed me off a main road onto a 'seasonal' unpaved road that was eerily reminiscent of the beginning of the movie Jeepers Creepers, I had enough.

I turned around and headed back to Rochester. After going through Mt. Morris I FINALLY found the entrance to Letchworth! But it looked completely abandoned and I decided I was tired of the suburbs.

All in all, I enjoyed my road trip. It did help clear my head and I realized that nothing replaces stress like the fear of being murdered.

Letting Go

2012-02-02T14:41:00.001-08:00

She let go.

Without a thought or a word, she let go. She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.

Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go.

She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go. There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that. In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

Ernest Holmes

Stupid Hoe

2012-02-01T10:00:00.000-08:00

If she really did this, she has some serious balance skills

I'm not a fan of Nicki Minaj *runs and hides before a pack of Barbie's chases me down*

I respect her because she's a Black woman and she is representing for those who have fell off...Eve where are you?!? I respect her uniqueness and I believe that she is truly fearless. However, I do not agree with her image or her lyrics. She holds a top spot in the music industry and has crazy cross over appeal, yet she continues to basically glorify stereotypes rather than destroy them. I'm not asking her to be a savior for Black women, but as a public figure who happens to be a Black woman, it would make sense if she would try to uplift her fellow woman rather than calling them "nappy headed hoes" I mean, didn't Don Imus get fired for that?

Fresh from reading Madame Noire's report of BET banning her latest video for "Stupid Hoe" I have to say that I'm giving BET some serious side eye with this one. A specific reason for the ban wasn't given, although video really isn't visually offensive. If the video were to air, most people would probably think she's speaking morse code because almost every other word would have to be bleeped.

But wait BET, I'm just a little confused, have you banned this video? (Nicki Minaj isn't helping her claim by being on this track)

This seems a little stange to me. I guess it really is a man's world. Women calling each other stupid hoes while being almost fully clothed is a no-no, but as long as they keep quiet and dance half naked in the background for men, everything is ok! I get it now BET, thanks for clearing that up!

Why does Nicki Minaj claim to be the female Weezy? Why can't she just be herself? She has enough personalities to choose from!

Bottom line: Banning the video doesn't make our ears stop working or keep people from watching it on youtube. BET, the only thing you have accomplished is further proving to the world that it only exists to beat stereotypes into American society.

Wedding Planning

2012-01-31T15:02:00.000-08:00

I'm so OVER this...let me tell you why

I REFUSE to become a bridezilla
I REFUSE to stress over the first 12-14 hours of married life
I REFUSE to be in debt for the rest of our marriage over one day
I REFUSE to have a wedding to impress others
I REFUSE to worry about what someone else wants for our day

I know wedding planning isn't supposed to be stress free but damn! We haven't even put a deposit down anywhere, nailed down a theme/color scheme or selected our attendants and I'm ready to throw in the towel and head to city hall! *Woo sah*

Getting married is no joke and if I'm stressing this much about one day...I'm afraid of what 5 years down the line will look like...

In an effort to de-stress, I'm constantly reminding myself that getting married isn't about the wedding day, it's about joining my life with his, it's about creating a family, it's about the life that we will build together from that day forth. The wedding day is important but it only signifies the day that we were legally joined together. He has been mine and I have been his for some time already. We don't need to put on a show to prove that. That won't make us any more "married" than the next couple.

Camera Searching...

2012-01-22T14:58:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been relying on my brilliant photographer of a friend to find me a simple point and shoot camera...I think this is the one:

The updated version:

I love the redness! This will enable me to add video to the blog and FINALLY launch my dream! So stay tuned :)

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T07:44:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a great year in 2011, are you ready for 2012? Oh well it's here so you better get used to it.

I took some time to do some evaluating and although I'm not a fan of New Year Resolutions, I am a fan of being better in 2012 than I was in 2011

Why I won't listen to the same music anymore

2011-10-14T16:45:00.000-07:00

I had a serious shift in perspective as evidenced by my previous post. I'm not seeing things the same way and one thing that I don't see the same is music. I don't know about you but music is getting so mundane to me. Too many people are singing or rapping about the same thing.

Trey Songz: We know you like sex and who knows, you're probably good at it. Can we turn the page please?

Lil Wayne: We know you do a lot of drugs and have sex, probably while counting your money. You know a lot about wordplay, very good.

Jay-Z: Retire already and be a daddy. We know you have a lot of money and you are hip-hop royalty and you love you some Beyonce. We get it.

Kanye: Play on playa...I love you

Drake: We know you just starting out but you've become stale already...

Nicki Minaj: Girl we know you trying to prove yourself but I think you've run out of topics.

All the other faceless, carbon cutouts of the aforementioned folks: please do something different with your music. All the drugs, guns, booty shaking females, money, rims, liquor, shameful symbols of Black music are starting to run together. And I've decided I'm not going to listen anymore until this changes.

I already listen to some good artists like Janelle Monae, Lupe Fiasco, The Roots, Jill Scott, Erykah Badu (yes I'm Afrocentric and I wear it proudly) but I need to dive deeper into music industry. I've found Santigold so far and her Pandora station has introduced me to some other great artists. I need more because my former go-to's are letting me down BIG TIME.

Can't Sleep No More...

2011-10-10T18:13:00.001-07:00

Ugh! It's terrible. My life is boring and going nowhere. I feel like I'm destined for mediocrity, forever remaining beneath the glass ceiling.

So, what do I do with these feelings? I don't want to feel like this but it's so easy to succomb to circumstances. Especially when those circumstances are less than ideal and aren't necessarily your fault. Don't get me wrong, I'm not passing the blame, I'm just working through it.

These feelings have overwhelmed me today, draining my positive energy reserves. How do I find the silver lining?

I feel stuck in a good dead-end job, staring down the barrel of a life-changing decision. I have so many responsibilities but doing what makes me happy and pursuing my dreams seems so much more important. I believe this is the feeling people have before they do something no one else understands. I have to do that something...and I have to do it soon.

I have nothing to share to guide you. I need your help tonight.

The Edge

2011-10-08T10:02:00.000-07:00

I've decided to not hold anything back anymore. I've decided to be completely honest and bare the contents of my soul and the battles of my mind. Hopefully this will help some of you realize that it's ok to have these feelings, you are not crazy and you are not "less than"

Today's competitive society has us believing that we need to have an "edge" over others to get a job, to get noticed or to be significant. One definition of edge: a favorable margin, advantage.

I have struggled with having that "edge" over others and when I fall short, I fall right back into the ~~comforting~~ shameful arms of inadequacy.  I don't like being stuck in a constant state of mediocrity but sometimes I feel like I'm not different enough to be noticed.

We are all individuals, yet we are stuck trying to fill others space in the universe. Some of us are competing for the same thing and those of us who aren't competing are fueling the competitors fire.  Need clarification? Consider my former guilty pleasure, MediaTakeOut. They constantly put Beyonce, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Ciara, etc, etc against each other, usually with one replacing the other for the "Top of the Game" title.  More often than not, the qualifications for this title are based on looks, legs, ass, hips and clothes, rather than talent, personality and intelligence. But I digress...this behavior is dangerous but a perfect example of "edge-iness"

Of course, I'm not telling you to follow the crowd or not to stand out. We all should strive to be who we are and not a copy of someone else, but when we put people on pedestals and then look down on those who don't live up to the pedestal owner, that's where we are going wrong.

I know that I want to be an award winning writer. I want people to read my blog and get so inspired that I'm paid to write everyday. I want to write books, inspirational messages, anything that will help people develop a strong sense of self. By no means do I want to push anyone off the top, but I would like my space. I don't need to have the "Top Spot" but I want to have a spot.

There are almost 7 billion people in the world, let's say 7 million want to be writers and 700,000 want to inspire people with their writing. I would drive myself crazy trying to compete and have an edge over that many people. Of course demographics would place me in a nice little category but I would still ask myself: How do I stand out in the crowd? How do I have an edge? How do I keep going if my book idea is passed over for someone who has the "edge" I don't have? How do I stop feeling threatened when I see other writers? Easy, I've decided to look at things without being on edge.

Step One:
Change my perspective. Someone's "edge" is not my shortcoming. I have no idea what goes on in other people's minds and they have no idea what's going on in mine. Stop beating myself up because someone else's path is well-lit and fabulous.  I don't know what's around the bend in my path.

Step Two:
Find my niche. Just because someone has figured out their writing niche does not mean that I won't figure out mine. And if our niches are similar and they have found a different approach, see step one

Step Three:
Discover my personal definition of success, goals and aspirations. Success does not and should not mean the same thing to me as it does to you. There are certain things I want out of life and you may not want those things. Knowing what I want helps me to step back from the edge.

Step Four:
At one point I had to stop dreaming about what kind of writer I would be and actually start writing. All ideas rolling around in the battlefield of my mind that somehow make it into my notebook aren't going to just magically organize themselves into a blog. Those filled notebooks may not become famous after I die. I'm not telepathic, I can't look at a struggling soul and inspire them. I had to start somewhere.

Step Five:
Stop selling myself short! Every idea might not be the one, but they are MY ideas and it can't help to try. Who knows who or what I may inspire. SN: I had hesitations about posting this blog but I had to remind myself that there are 7 billion people in this world and there has GOT to be some folks who have these same feelings

Step Six:
Draw on experiences. From now on I'm writing about any disappointment, failure, shame, etc. I'm baring it all. We the people love stories. Why do you think books and movies are still around? We love hearing people's stories and someone, that'll be me, has to write them!

Step Seven:
BE HAPPY WITH ME. This is still a work in progress but I can say I'm in the process of loving who God created me to be.

In conclusion, I hope I've inspired you to stop trying to be THE GREATEST but be YOUR GREATEST. Having an edge doesn't make you better. Step too far over the edge and there's a long fall to the bottom

Enough is Enough!

2011-10-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

Have I introduced you to the Not "Blank" Enoughs? Well meet

Not Good Enough
Not Smart Enough
Not Pretty Enough
Not Quirky Enough
Not Light Enough
Not Confident Enough
Not Girly Enough
Not Tough Enough
Not Strong Enough
Not Talented Enough
Not Creative Enough

And their children Don't "Blank" Enough

Don't go out Enough
Don't shop Enough
Don't have fun Enough

And their relatives "Blank Isn't Good" Enough

Family isn't good Enough
Job isn't good Enough
Resume isn't good Enough
Car isn't good Enough
House isn't good Enough
Hair isn't good Enough
Best isn't good Enough
Life isn't good Enough

Welcome to the dysfunctional family of Enough...they will continue recycling these generational curses until someone realizes ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Taken from Daily Inspiration and Motivation

I want to remind you today that you were made for more than good enough! Maybe things haven’t worked out the way you planned, but now is not the time to stop and settle. Now is the time to dig your heals in and begin again. And even if that dream has died—it’s time to dream another dream. God has so much for you in your future. If you’ve settled in any area of your life, take that first step by declaring, “I am not going to settle for mediocrity. I am made for so much more! Things may be difficult, but I am pressing forward. I’m going to keep believing, and I’m going to make it all the way in to my Promised Land!

Although I was born in the the Enough family, I've decided to really believe that it's not where you come from, it's where you going. I'm going to be GREAT.

Battle Ready Prayer

2011-09-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

My cousin introduced this to me and I thought I'd share it with my readers ~~because I can't think of anything else to blog abou~~t...

You can listen to the short version below. Find the full version here

Beautifully Tainted with Flawless Imperfections

2011-09-13T15:45:00.000-07:00

I can't speak for all Black women but I'm tried of being laughed at, mocked and ridiculed. I'm tired of sites like WSHH, Bossip and Mediatakeout (aka racist entertainment) who claim to be ran by Black people but seem to have the agenda of knocking down, berating and tearing Black women apart. It seems like the more outrageous the behavior, the more entertaining it is. Even as I type, I'm at a loss for words. It seems that no one supports Black women but Black women, and even then, that support is few and far between.

No longer can we rely on the Black man to defend us, let alone take care of us. Most of them are too busy chasing society's standard of beauty or glorifying the pursuit of pussy, money, status and material things over a real relationship. Even other races are telling us to give up the pursuit of Black men if we want to get married.

Black women! We are slipping on a downward spiral, soon, we won't be taken seriously. Not with new videos added to WSHH every day of Black women beating each other, "video modeling" being a coveted career, and role models like Nicki Minaj, (sorry girl)

We need to love each other like so many fail to do. We are NOT racist entertainment. We are NOT pussy, titties, hips and ass. We ARE the mothers of the universe. We ARE life-givers. We are more than what we are led to believe.

Too many of us are confused yet refuse to be enlightened. Too many of us have been seduced by depraved lyrics to give ourselves away for the fulfillment of another's desires leaving us empty promises, broken, angry and bitter. Too many of us have been fooled into believing that thick thighs, light skin and a big booty is all we need for success. Too many of us are comfortable tearing down another woman for fear of competition for a man's attention which quickly fades once he's conquered the both of you. Too many of us are being told who we are by people who either don't know what it means to be us, want our money, or don't have our best interests at heart. Too many of us are uninterested in uplifting each other up. Too many of us are naturally beautiful but settle for being synthetically processed.

There should not be a playlist on youtube dedicated to Black Girl Fights...There should not be heated racist battles taking place in comment boxes aka Comment Wars. We really do have the power to stop this.

We really do Run the World :)

Fashion and Inadequacy Part 2

2011-09-11T08:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was tweeting about things I had just learned about myself. These things have to do with clothes/fashion, outerwear specifically. (I originally had the word "jackets" instead of "outerwear" see how fashion saavy I've become!)

I've always struggled with buying jackets, coats etc. I've struggled with shopping period. I mean how hard is shopping? You go and buy what you like and what looks good on you right? Wrong. I have a closet full of clothes/jackets that I don't wear because I bought what I thought other people liked and never what looked good on me. I don't feel I have my own personal style. At 25, I still don't have a strong sense of self. I've decided to learn about my true self, instead of the woman who's constantly seeking other people's approval.

As I was tweeting about the trench coat I wanted and how I realized I like clothes with long lines , I thought: "Sharese you sound so dumb. People know how to shop for jackets, this just shows how INADEQUATE you are"

Yes, I'm still stuggling with inadequacy. I didn't delete the tweets because this is my journey, no matter how silly it may sound to someone else. That closet of someone else's happy will soon be donated and replaced with MY happy. I know it's just clothes and I probably sound materialistic but it's really not about the amount of clothes the brand or the price. It's about how I FEEL in them. I know I shouldn't get my confidence from tangible things and these clothes don't necessarily complete me, but I do feel like what I put on is another extenstion of myself.

Thanks to my good friend @aLoveforfashion I've been dipping my toes into the fashion pool and I feel like I'm discovering my personal style. I know my fashion icons are Tracee Ellis Ross and Solange. I think they dress beautifully and it truly is an extension of their personality. People may not always like what they're wearing but I believe they truly feel comfortable with themselves when they step out the door, and that's how I want to feel.

Cleaning up your "Social" Network

2011-09-07T11:27:00.000-07:00

I've given up on the traditional job search because in this economy, I'm convinced that companies have adopted the motto: "It's not WHAT you know, it's WHO you know," or "WHAT family you're born into," Which is sad because that means that those of us who have worked hard and obtained a degree AND decide to move out of state are going to be jobless, broke and homeless.

So sad...

But there's hope! SOCIAL NETWORKING is the answer to our jobless prayers. If you haven't gotten on board with this, you must not want a sucessful career. What I'm doing right now, blogging, this is a form of networking. See, I believed that I didn't have any readers until I started posting the link to my blog on my facebook and twitter pages. Like social networking magic, I've gotten compliments, comments, readers and subscribers! Yes! It really works! And it's fun! You never know who you will meet.

Don't they look like they're having fun?

Ok so the point of this post? Well, some of us don't have etiquette, morals and manners in our face-to-face lives and that translates on screen. Yes, we have people who are looking for a job with email addresses like prettyoungthing85 and sk8rboi, FB names like Sharese Umustwantthe Hardaway (oops!) and twitter names like datniggaG. These are not as bad as some of the tweets/fb posts I've seen from budding "professionals"

In my opinion, Facebook took a wrong turn into Rachetville when they let high schoolers and those "ignorant" folks without a college e-mail address join. Let me clear this up by saying: Facebook did not have these problems when it was only for college students, and everyone without a college degree is NOT ignorant but the majority of those causing this FB drama are ignorant and don't know that ANYONE and I mean ANYONE can view/hack your profile no matter how many privacy settings you have on. Also, just because you delete a pic/post/tweet etc, doesn't mean that it's gone forever.

So my suggestions for the corporate bound:

Get two twitter accounts, (one for personal use and one for professional use) Don't link these accounts, you'll only look stupid
Facebook is not real life and should not be treated as such. It's only to keep up with your friends/family, post some APPROPRIATE pics and have a few laughs. Stalking ppl on Facebook and posting subliminal posts is silly and juvenile. Leave it to those who aren't looking for a career yet.
Do not participate in Trending Topics such as #ThingsBlackPplDo etc. See Rule #1 for more info
Follow or Like things pertaining to your future career
Join a professional network (LinkedIn) or a regional professional network (Rochester Young Professionals. Follow/Like their twitter and Facebook page for updates.
GET OFF THE INTERNET AND READ A BOOK

Most of this is sense, but not common, so if you have any questions, hit the comment box...

I've moved 17 times since 2004...

2011-09-04T10:58:00.000-07:00

No I'm not a nomad, some moves were voluntary (for school) but most were not. This is probably why I never feel at home or settled, but I've learned to adapt to my chaotic changing environments and put a positive spin on things. I love to re-invent myself.

This is oddly reminiscent of New Year's Resolutions...good thing I never really believed in those. I think they're too daunting. I'm going to stick to this ONE thing for the entire YEAR? Very unlikely for me, it sounds so BORING. Besides I like things in moderation, small additions here and there keeps life fresh! A new resolution every 1-2 weeks or maybe even every month seems a lot more doable than sticking to one thing for the entire YEAR.

So I'm going to re-invent myself one step at a time. I'm going to start with adding more fish to my diet. One meal a week will be fish, (not fried...although I do love me a good fish fry) I already frequent the gym, ~~go to the gym for a couple of days after they charge my account every month~~ so that shouldn't need too much fine tuning. Next step will be adding more vegetables and fruit to my meals.

I was inspired by Naptural85 in a lot of ways. Check her out!

She also has a great #naturalhair vlog

Hopefully this will help me to stick with my new lifestyle rather than giving up after a few days...Fall is the perfect time to begin this because I love this time of year, I"m always happier and ready to begin new challenges. Let's see how well I do with this one. What about you? Are you constantly re-inventing yourself?

My favorite season approaches

2011-09-02T17:04:00.000-07:00

http://www.flickr.com/people/stevendepolo/

I love fall.

I love scarves, blazers, boots, sweaters, cinnamon sticks, hot apple cider, hot chocolate, reds, oranges, yellows, browns and greens.

I love warm and cozy homes, falling leaf decorations, family get togethers, brisk morning air, back-to-school sales, self-renewal, routine-forming and fall line-ups.

Yes my favorite season is approaching and I'm very excited. I'm also very determined to enjoy not only this season, but also my life. I realized that I don't enjoy my life, I just get through it. I don't enjoy the moment for what it is. That moment or THIS moment. I'm always in a rush to get to what's better but I never seem to get there. I think I expect too much out of moments. Maybe moments aren't as much of a production as I think.

Nevertheless, this fall will be full of moments and I'm determined to give each moment its time in space. I'm not naive to believe that every moment will be full of good feelings, but no longer will I take my moments for granted, wishing I had someone else's. My moments are all mine from now on...

Writer's Block?

2011-08-26T15:04:00.000-07:00

"Blanche you have to have written something to have writer's block. Otherwise we all have it,"

-Dorothy The Golden Girls Season 5

Yes I'm not ashamed of being a HUGE Golden Girls fan...but Dorothy is ~~write~~ right. You can't have writer's block if you haven't written anything, and if you could see all the drafts in my list of posts you would see that I have plenty of ideas and some beautiful beginnings. I can't seem to make it to the climax and then bring it all together at the end. This morning I had a wonderful idea, inspired by my "Case of the Monday's" post. It would help me to write every week, inspire/encourage others, and get some exposure for me. I think this really may be it. "Where have we heard that before?"

Self-doubt always paralyzes me...I need to silence that fat bitch once and for all but I have to get started somwhere, sometime and somehow. A year from now I'm going to have wished I started today, so instead using planning as an excuse, I've been planning plenty of things for years, I'm going to get started, right now, as soon as I finish this post.

As for Me and My Blazer and Undercover Socialite, I still need a camera. Anyone willing to make donations or buy me one?

When am I gonna get started?

2011-08-06T06:13:00.000-07:00

As soon as God gives me the ok!! Here are a few updates with the blog(s)

See, there are so many ideas in my head and so many directions that I want to go in. I want to be a risk taker and just plunge right in, ignoring the obstacles but I want to do this right. There are those whispers in the back of my mind, "You better hurry up before someone steals your idea," and "You know EVERYONE has a blog now, yours won't make any noise," but I believe in myself and if God is with me, then I won't fail. He said he's going to do exceedingly and abundantly above all I could ask or think! So I want to wait and make sure I do what he tells me to do. I want him to order my steps.

I have the basic idea down and I know how I want it to work, I just need a camera. That's obstacle number one. Where do I find a good camera that can capture quality shots? I'm not a photographer, although I secretly wish I could be one. I have no money to hire a photographer. So what should I do?

I'm also in the middle of getting a handle on my financial future. Paying off old debts and raising my credit score...it's TONS of fun, I have to admit. On top of that, there's this NASTY SMELL COMING FROM BEHIND MY BATHTUB! I'm so devastated about this and there has to be a way to get behind there and clean it out.

So in conclusion there is a LOT going on with me and I'll get started once God clears the path for me. Until then I will update this blog with all my adventures!

Guess it's time for an update

2011-07-26T12:52:00.000-07:00

I've been getting my new home together and enjoying it too much to update...plus I don't have internet.

Ok I'm cutting the bull...I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH IT! I don't know what to do with my life. I like my job but I need to WRITE!

I have so many ideas but I don't know how to get them out to my potential fans who are so EAGER to read what I have to write, they just don't know it yet.

Me and my friend have come up with a way to put her photography and my writing together, we just have to get it out of our minds. (She lives in SC so idk how this is going to work)

I feel like I have a paper jam in my mind....

I know what Samir was going through...

Yes I love Office Space...

Anyway, I have all these ideas and I don't know how to organize them into a productive and successful career.

HELP!!

Finally some progress

2011-07-03T14:19:00.000-07:00

So as you can see, I've added some pages to my blog!! Those pages are the beginning of my life's work. I've had all these ideas in my mind and now I'm finally breathing life into them. I've been ~~procrastinating~~ waiting for a lot of things to happen, like getting a camera, getting activities together, getting my life together, getting blogging for dummies etc. But I've decided to just jump in and do it. It's either going to work or it's not going to.

So as I learn how to customize my blog so it doesn't look like a template, even tho I'm digging my template, you'll be with me every step of the way. Next challenge is taking some pics and changing the background of my pages...

Why am I in such a rush?

2011-07-03T13:49:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've realized that I am in always in a rush...to do absolutely nothing. Let me clarify, I feel like I should always be doing something and if that "thing" that I'm doing isn't worthwhile to me, I'm rushing to get it done to get on to the next thing. Still confused? Here's an example:

When I was in college, I couldn't wait to finish or begin an internship so I could really see the journalism industry at work. However, I neglected to put my best effort into my class work. I don't think I am so arrogant that I believed the work was beneath me, but I don't feel like I gave it my best effort. Shameful.

So now that I'm wading in the journalism pool, I'm regretting rushing and daydreaming through school rather than focusing and really learning the material. I feel unprepared to take on this role that I've created for myself. I feel like I want a do-over. I don't think I would feel this way if I would have just enjoyed being in school and did all that I could. I also have to remember I had a lot of family problems which kept me from a lot but I still feel like I should have given more...and now I'm discontent.

I never feel completely relaxed and I'm never at peace with myself. Rarely am I focused on the task at hand, my mind always races. I want to enjoy the moments, the present moment, rather than wanting to get to the next thing because in the present I'm unfulfilled.

This may make no sense to my readers but if you can relate, please help!! How do I focus on "right now" and give right now my best, rather than focusing on what could happen in the future and neglecting right now which could in turn negatively impact the future?

I wish I was a photographer...

2011-06-26T12:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in my mind, I am. Because photography is a beautiful talent that I wish I possessed. I'm sure it's not that hard to become a photographer, I think the hard part is making money. I don't want to be a famous photographer, I want to capture anything that motivates me to write.

My senses inspire me to write and lately I've been inspired by things that I see...namely, this picture I found on tumblr

Oh, and this one too

These images have inspired me so much lately, from decorating to introducing me to a hobby I didn't know I had. They just need some words around them. So off I go to purchase "Photography for Dummies," and a Nikon camera.

Wish me luck!

"And the circle gets smaller"

2011-06-26T12:28:00.000-07:00

An interesting line I heard while interviewing my future mentor.

She was referring to the decreasing number of family and friends that she has kept close throughout the years. She is able to do what I have been struggling with, cutting off those people who refuse to elevate themselves past a certain state of mind.

I have them, those friends or family members who would prefer to totally depend on the system, rather than using it to supplement their income and actually work to get further ahead in life. Those who are comfortable renting a house. Those who won't make an effort to clean up their credit. Those who are comfortable with a high school diploma.

I finally understand, "you are the company you keep," In no way am I putting anyone down, but when I'm told I'm "acting white" or criticized for my actions or lack of action, something needs to change.

I am not comfortable with settling. I am not comfortable renting an apartment past 30. I am not comfortable having a child before I'm married. I am not comfortable running to the same clubs every weekend. I am not comfortable spending hundreds of dollars on clothes, shoes and cars to keep up an image fed to me from a celebrity. I am not comfortable with money being my motivation. I am not comfortable with driving a luxury vehicle that I can't afford to repair. I am not comfortable working like a slave to maintain a certain lifestyle. I am not comfortable with repeating the same cycle generation after generation.

So in order for me to get comfortable, my circle needs to get smaller and I need to surround myself with those who have similar goals and aspirations. For a long time I struggled with being different. I felt like my goals and dreams, hobbies, music preferences, basically anything about me, was somehow wrong. Almost everything about me was criticized. Well enough is enough. I'm tired of trying to be like everyone else because it's the "Black" thing to do.

I love being a Black woman and I wouldn't change who I am or what I like for anyone or anything. However, I shouldn't be criticized or ridiculed if I don't fit a certain mold.

Peer pressure doesn't go away once you graduate high school. In fact, a lot of us suffer from family pressure also. Some of us weren't given the opportunity to experience different things while growing up, so we don't know to have higher goals and aspirations. Good parents are supposed to want the best for their children, they want them to go farther and do better than they did. But sometimes you get those family members who call you out if you try to do better than them. If their efforts to sabotage your success don't work, then they think you're "better" than them. When all they need to do is take that same effort they use to bring somebody down, to bring themselves up.

A lot of us are settling for a lifestyle because we are afraid to stand out, we want to be accepted. I feel like this happens to a lot of women. We settle for being called a "ho" or a "bitch" instead of our name. We settle for a man's behavior because that's how men are supposed to act. We settle for fighting or gossiping about other women, rather than coming together and telling men to treat us better.

Those of us who are uncomfortable with those types of environments need to stand up and make your circle smaller. It may hurt to distance yourself from family and friends, but we have to realize that we will never progress if we allow ourselves to be comfortable with these situations. It may seem strange but I don't believe most of us are happy with the lives that we lead. I don't believe that we want to assimilate into white culture, but I do believe that we want more for ourselves.

As frustrating and hurtful that those in my life can be, I don't want to cut them out completely. I love my friends and family but it's time stand up and step outside the circle.

I hate to leave you behind...

A GOOD case of the Monday's

2011-06-12T17:41:00.000-07:00

Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Monday's

Lol I love Office Space

Unlike most people, I love Mondays, maybe because I just got a good paying 9-5 in my field, but even before that I always felt like every Monday is a chance for me to begin again. I feel like I can be better and do bigger than I did the week before.

Not that I've failed myself but I recognize the areas where I can improve. It's like setting weekly new years resolutions with no pressure :)

This past week I made some mistakes, I battled some demons and I took some steps forward. Beginning tomorrow, I want to learn from my mistakes, keep my enemies under my foot and continue moving forward.

Making mistakes and battling demons usually leaves me reluctant to move forward, but I'm learning to up when I stumble instead of falling all the way down. I'm human, I'm going to make mistakes. What I'm not going to do is let those mistakes define me or keep me stagnant.

I also got too "busy" for the Lord and I know that has to change this week. I tried to rationalize it by trying to say that I was adjusting to my new job. That's no excuse and I pray the Lord forgives me and helps me to prioritize and use my time wisely.

Thank God, I'm aware of my mistakes and shortcomings and that I can recognize where I need to improve. I think I'm listening to my inner woman more!

This week I'm also setting some goals for myself. I don't want to put my life's work on hold any longer, I have to get my site started. This week I want to put together a serious outline for my site and start planning some activities for it. I won't reveal the idea until the site launches but it's going to bring about serious change.

I also need to get together a routine for running errands because having two part time jobs and working 50 hours a week is going to challenge getting things done, but I can do this.

Go ahead and give it a try!! Look at Monday's as an opportunity to revamp your life and start fresh! And stop letting Monday's negatively influence your attitude towards life!

So here's to the start of a new week!!

Moving Forward

2011-06-06T18:23:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've finally arrived. For years, I felt as if I was at a stand still and that I didn't fit in anywhere. Not with this crowd, not with those clothes, not with that music, not with this career. Now I feel like I'm finally here. I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

I had the great privilege to be invited to Wegmans United Way Luncheon for the Howard Wilson Coles Society. This society recognizes the role that African-Americans play in the community of Rochester. My employer, Wegmans, is a great contributor to the United Way and I was surrounded by professional African-American professionals, most of which I never knew existed.

I felt like this was where I was supposed to be. Although I had the least amount of experience, I still felt important, more importantly, I didn't feel inadequate. I felt just as important and part of the group as the individual with most seniority.

I've been waiting a long time to feel this way. I've been unhappy and content with inadequacy and mediocrity for too long. Who am I NOT to be great? And why didn't I believe that I was made for greatness?

When I was chosen for the position in Consumer Affairs, I almost didn't believe it. Full of self-doubt, inadequate, envious, poor self-image Sharese thought: Why would they choose me? I'm destined to be in the stores forever. Yes, I have a degree but so does everyone else. I'm not good enough for this job. The Sharese who has a glimpse of the woman she should be thought: They better choose me for this job, I have a college degree and my qualifications fit perfectly! I'm destined for more than Cocopops!

I'm sure that everyone goes through this. I'm not sure if everyone goes through this, however. When someone sings my praises or lists my accomplishments, it's hard for me to to take credit or be proud. I wouldn't call it humility. I believe it's me not believing that I'm nothing special. I graduated from college because that's what you're supposed to do to be successful. Sure I have a sad story, but compared to others, it's not that bad.

I feel like I did what was necessary to get to the next step. Yes, graduating from college is hard, but anyone can do it. Sure, losing my brother and best friend is very hard. Of course, the relationship with my mother is strained and difficult. And yes, I wish my stepmother would have treated me better growing up. I can't change any of those things but I can drop the chains of bondage that held me. God already loosed those chains...I just have to drop them.

Clinging to those chains was easy, comforting even. The feeling I had today, the feeling of hope, promise, a future, belonging, MY PLACE. That feels so much better. I feel delivered from my past and cleansed for my future. I feel blessed and prepared to take on whatever comes next. But instead of looking to see what everyone else has and how they "belong," I'm going to work on creating my happiness no matter what.

It may sound cheesy, but it is what it is :)

Finding Solace in The Serenity Prayer

2011-04-18T12:51:00.000-07:00

God grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

I'm very familiar with the serenity prayer, given my mother's history. I've recited at meetings with her and seen it on plaques, trinkets and key chains throughout her house as part of her decor. I've memorized the words while never making a connection with their meaning. Also, I really wasn't too clear on the definition of serenity. I've never taken the time to understand, after all, I'm not an addict and I thought it didn't apply to me.

It wasn't until I bought a 99 cent pen that I felt a connection to those words. I googled the serenity prayer and found out it's longer than those few notorious lines and I found that I could apply the truth in those words to my life.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

The only like I disagree with is: "that I may be reasonably happy in this life," according to John 10:10, Jesus comes "so that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly" Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,"

Although we live in a world where the serenity prayer is needed to escape the grasp of a less than perfect past, I believe the serenity prayer tells us that we don't have to be miserable while living and learning from our mistakes.
I'm not addicted to a substance but I am addicted to comparing myself with others. Like addicting substances, the side effects are harmful on my mind, body and soul. Self-doubt, envy/jealousy, lack of motivation, self-denial, depleted self-esteem, inadequacy and an under-appreciation of blessings can wreak havoc in my life if left unchecked.

Like many addicts, my addiction has a root. A void in my life that I desperately want to fill. The enemy has preyed on that void turning it into a stronghold. I recognize the effects and when I'm allowing the enemy to convince me that I'm somehow "less than" because of it. That may be the first step in my recovery but I've struggled with making it to the next step, which I believe to be using God's word to combat the enemy's lies. After all, the battle isn't ours.

That's where I believe the serenity prayer comes in. I can't change the choices my parents made or didn't make and I can't change the way I was raised. I can't change my mother or grandmother's life experiences that drove them to their destructive behavior but I can change my view on life to make sure I see the value in the life that I have.
I can't change my mother or stepmother's actions and behavior towards me but I can realize that I don't have to treat my future children that way.

I can't change the family I was born into or the decisions that they made but I can change my attitude towards them and love them regardless.

I can't change my family's ways but I can distance myself from those who aren't trying to encourage or help others to do better.

I can't change my brother's life and the fact that he's gone but I can live my life to the full, enjoying experiences for the both of us.

I can't change the fact that my sisters and I didn't grow up together but I can be here for them now and create memories, appreciating the relationship that we have now.

I can't change my past but I can make my future better...courage to change the things I can.

One of my weaknesses is lack of courage BUT 2 Timothy 1:7 says "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline," and Deuteronomy 31:6 says "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you,"

I know that having the courage to change the things I can may not be easy, but God is with me and he'll help me through it. Change is unfamiliar and I've gotten comfortable in my negative thinking, however, the side effects, the way I feel after letting the enemy whisper those lies to me; those feelings of inadequacy, doubt, envy/jealousy; pale in comparison to the peace or solace I find in the serenity (being clear and free from storms; shining bright and steady, marked by or suggestive of utter calm and unruffled repose; calm, peace or tranquil) in Christ Jesus.

So I have to remember to thank God for the freedom that comes with surrender to you and letting go of the chains that held me captive. I have to submit to the power of the blessings that you have spoken and are already prepared for my life, walking in the anointing of your words.

Eye Contact

2011-04-18T12:17:00.000-07:00

Plenty of people have told me that I don’t make eye contact when I speak with them. I’m usually focused on some point in the distance, while I’m trying to prove my point or seemingly half-listening to what the response is.

Of course I’ve heard it all before. Eyes are the window to the soul, this is bad body language, I seem intimidated by the conversation or less interested in what the person has to say…~~this all is probably true~~ which is completely untrue. I don’t like making eye contact. I understand it’s one of the most important, nonverbal channels we have for communication and connecting with others. I realize that one look into another’s eyes can be full of heartfelt affection, seduction or dripping with disdain. A certain look can read “I want you naked in my bed tonight,” or “I’m so proud of you right now,” or even “If you don’t stop all that crying I’ll give you something to cry about,” when the time comes I might employ that skill. However, my emotions are usually written all over my face and eyebrows, according to a certain person, and I want my eyes to be dead with emotion…but they continue to betray me every time. They light up when I’m excited and fall dark when I’m depressed. They seem to have the most expression when I want them to give the least, and like a ‘runtelldat’ individual, reveal true feelings behind a fake, forced smile.

There’s probably an underlying reason as to why I don’t make eye contact and I’m more than aware of what it is. I’m not ready to deal with that yet, I’ll make eye contact when I deem necessary and if you don’t like it then you’re probably not important enough to hold my attention. Ouch, that probably hurts…almost as much as the reason why I don’t smile at most people…but that’s another post for another day.

Labels or Love? The labels of love

2011-04-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

*Insert Sex & The City theme music*

Honestly, I hate the Facebook relationship status. I don’t want to be judged or defined by my relationship status.

Being in an open relationship is just an invitation for STD’s. Point blank period…no discussion.

If your relationship is complicated, you probably shouldn’t be on Facebook bragging about it. Why do people do that? Why put your relationship problems on blast through social networking? MAJOR RED FLAG, but that’s another post for another day.

Onto the labels of love. How would you feel if your significant other doesn’t like the idea of labels and refuses to define you or your relationship with one?

Would it make you uncomfortable if your mate doesn’t call you their “Boyfriend/Girlfriend” or won’t marry you because of THAT label?

I always thought that labels described products not relationships. When you look at a label, you are seeing the description, ingredients and maybe a slogan. When you look at a person you don’t see all of that. You don’t see: “In a relationship, full of sh*t and prone to stalkerish behavior” If only… *wishes on a star*
Labeling a relationship translates to commitment and commitment translates to prison, *cough, cough* ahem I mean security. When a relationship is defined: “you are mine and I am yours,” people or perhaps one person in that relationship feels all warm and cozy inside for the time being.

For some strange reason, labels also defines the behaviors in a relationship. I always thought that your role in the relationship defined your behavior. At some point in human relationship history, someone thought: “Hey, if I’m not called ‘Girlfriend’ or ‘Boyfriend’ then that means I can do what I want!” and that thought grew, I wonder who planted that inception because everyone has made that idea into their own.

Then what about the labels that no one wants? “Ex” “Jumpoff” “Slut” “popoff” “booty call” “side chic” “one night stand” “wednesday afternoon” “Single” “old maid” Why aren’t people so desperate for labels fighting for one of those? Or perhaps they already have that label and would like to be upgraded to the coveted “Boyfriend/Girlfriend” status and then the Holy Grail of labels, ultimate *gasp* “Husband/Wife”

And the positive ones “Boo” “Bae” *gags* “lover” “Friend” “Friends with benefits” (OMG am I a negative person? I have way more negative labels than positive ones lol)

Labels are bullsh*t, they don’t define who you are or what you are in a relationship with another person. A label is a word and ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS! It’s up to you if you want a label, but remember, a relationship is not a product. It’s a team effort, people in the relationship have to play their ROLE. If you find someone who’s not willing to play or would rather be an understudy, FIRE them and hold auditions for your next leading Lady/Man because a rose by any other name/label would still smell as sweet.

“Label” and “Role” aren’t interchangeable. Think about this: “What’s your role in your relationship?” VS “What’s your label in your relationship?” Which sounds more important to you? The roles you play may have more significance to your significant other than the labels you give them.

You can’t put a label on love…go ahead, try it. I’ll wait.

*drops mic*

Fashion and Inadequacy

2011-04-18T12:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord,

Clothing can seem so important sometimes. Remind me, not to obsess about these things, but to trust them to you. You know what I need and you’ve promised to take care of me. I’m relying on you.

Matthew 6:25-32

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them."

Yes...I need them. Like many in a big household, shopping trips were few and far in between but in the past few years, I've learned a lot. I don’t feel like my fashion sense is as keen as others but I’m learning. I love to see the way people put outfits together and while I don’t think I could be a personal stylist, I just want to find my own personal style.

I pray the above prayer and try to remember those verses because I’m confused. We live in a world consumed by materialism. Acquiring “things” is a priority for some because it seals a state of status, letting others know: “I’m important, valuable, attractive and I’m worthy of your jealousy.”

I love shopping but I don’t love feeling inadequate when I can’t put a look together like others or when I don’t have anything to put together. I think I have more than enough clothes and shoes but this world makes me feel like I’m not good enough if I don’t have this new trend etc.

I admire designers, I do believe that fashion is art, I don’t believe in making people feel inadequate if they don’t dress a certain way or wear a certain brand or can fit a certain size or spend a certain amount of money on their appearance. This is where I believe fashion fails.

But who am I? I’m a fledgling journalist fumbling through the fashion world. I can’t help but feel in over my head. As much as I want to rock all of the looks that I see, I can’t. However, I won’t feel inadequate because of 2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you. For my strength is made perfect in weakness,”

When I feel like I’m not good enough because I can’t dress the way I want or have the clothes I want, this verse reminds me that I God’s love and salvation is enough for me.

And that’s how I deal with my feelings of inadequacy, I hope someone can relate.

Conversation Killer

2011-02-19T15:21:00.000-08:00

I've always felt that I don't have it quite together during a conversation. I'm always gently scratching the surface of the concept or idea being discussed. I feel like I should push myself a little harder, digging deeper until I'm leaving bloody trails of broken fingernails, taking the opportunity to learn more about the topic at hand or really engaging with my conversation colleague, listening to what they have to say. If I do those things I will have sucessfully completed a conversation where I walk away feeling no regret. This may not make sense to some or be a problem for others, but this particular problem plagues 80% of my conversations.

Speed networking at Trinities restaurant in downtown Rochester helped me to realize that I am capable of intelligent conversation if I stop trying to impress people and just talk about the real me. We both are worthy of honest Rese.

My future conversations will have depth and clarity, for not only myself but my conversation companion also. That little voice in my head will cease nudging me to say, "You aren't worthy, You aren't smart enough, You will never break through the glass ceiling" Instead she will encourage me to reach inside and release my true potential.

I will thank her and maybe one day me and my self-doubt will be friends.

Stalled...

2011-02-16T06:13:00.000-08:00

There are some days when I feel like nothing is going to change. Sadly, I let that get me down sometimes. Should going after a career be this hard? I know that journalism isn't an easy field to break into and I feel less prepared than my future colleagues, however, I can't be intimidated.

I need a new strategy. I'm hearing that networking is an essential component of success, but how does an introvert network? Breaking the ice is not one of my strengths. I even get nervous calling to set up an interview for a story. I have to get over these fears and make it happen! I can't waste anymore time...

Off to conquer the networking giant and beat it into submission.

My Last Sorry

2010-11-28T15:08:00.000-08:00

This is the last time...I will offer no more sorry for who or how I am.

Photo Credit @

I will no longer apologize for the mistakes I have made or things I haven't done to make you feel better.

I will no longer apologize for being too quiet or too talkative.

I will no longer apologize for not understanding my feelings.

I will no longer apologize for not having it all figured out or for changing my mind about what I want to do with my life.

I will no longer apologize for not knowing what love is or being afraid to fall completely in it.

I will no longer apologize for who I come from.

I will no longer apologize for being completely me and loving who I will become.

I know some people are unapologetic already, I'm just jumping on this train. I don't apologize for being late.

As Always,

Unapologetically Rese

The Big R

2010-11-27T13:21:00.001-08:00

Redesign Rese

Revamp Rese

Redo Rese

Real Rese

I have changed directions and decided to follow a different path with this blog.

Stay tuned